Finding Identity During Childhood!

The Day-Care System (Swedish: Dagis) here in Sweden has fascinated me a lot. Followers of InDepth might recall a blog post on the same subject that I wrote some time ago. Those were the days when my daughter had just started going to the Dagis.

A lot has changed since then. Knowledge, sensibilities and priorities included. Circumstances too have changed. In the beginning it was - I had to send my daughter to the Dagis as both myself and my wife were working full-time. Now my daughter is going to the big school. Perhaps, this is a good time for me to relax and reflect on those earlier days. What did I learn as a parent? What did she learn as a kid?

Sense of Identity:

A child is nothing but a heap of clay. Try to make a pot out of it, it will get made. Try to make a mask out of it, it will get done. The care, the camaraderie, the inclusiveness, the warmth, the affection and the joyfulness - all these and much more impart a shape to a child inside the four walls of a Dagis. That shape persists and reshapes itself into a distinct identity. In my case, as I have found, my daughter is quite similar in many ways to her friends. Yet she is quite different in many other aspects. It basically shows an existence and not a crisis of identity. This identity is devoid of any imitation.

Calling Names, Writing Names, Knowing Names :

In a Dagis, for the first time, the child gets to hear his or her name. The name is repeatedly heard, the name is discussed, the name is called, and the name is written at different places. The child, with an identity, gets used to his or her name. It is a small thing. Yet, it is very powerful – a name is never complete or worth it until it is known and spread. As for example, the name written on top of a cupboard (inside a Dagis one finds many of those) might seem odd at the first glance; but then, each kid, with an own cupboard gets an own place to store things. It is not a reflection of selfishness but exactly the opposite. It is a reflection of self-reliance. Then of course, how beautiful it feels when one listens to a kid talking about himself or herself using his or her own name! "Tom is not going out, do not worry Papa!" - this is Tom replying to his father when the father asked Tom where he is going.

Learning Seriousness, Learning How to Act :

With name and identity comes a sense of dignity. With the coming of a name comes a certain sense of seriousness. The child is made aware of the circumstances, and through training and deliberations the child learns how to act in situations. The training is never pushed upon. Rather, every child can grow on its own. When something is not forced, that thing easily becomes a part of the existence, especially for a kid. The Dagis procedure is never over-the-top, but rather, very ordinary. I have seen so many times my daughter's friends going up and down and left and right to find their missing socks or one shoe from a pair. It is not difficult to understand how effectively the sense of responsibility has developed in them.

Mixing, Tumbling, Failing, Trying, Playing...... :

Finding an identity and starting to learn often go hand in hand. Learning in a Dagis is mostly achieved through playing, mixing, and mingling. A child is away from home with a bunch of friends for the whole day. Play is essential to keep all of them busy. It is needed all the time for the child to be not feeling home-sick. This is precisely what gets done. A child is given a set of toys, or a set of colors, or a set of pencils. Following a pedagogic procedure, the child is asked to try and err. The first picture drawn by my daughter in her Dagis contained only two colors - blue and black. It was a whole page and the painting had signs of trial and error. There was nothing great about it except the fact that she undertook the task all alone by herself. She took no help from anyone. She liked what became of it.

Energy, Urge, Will To Do Things :

From putting on socks by themselves to washing the hands after food; from keeping the jackets and rain-coats in proper place to bringing home the craft they had just made – Dagis teaches a child many things. The child is full of energy and has a will to do things on its own! The kid, after a certain age, will not like anyone helping him or her put on the winter jacket. Call it a personal urge or self-drive, the kids start taking responsibility from a very tender age. I have been many times scolded by my daughter for failing to give her the right shoe for the right weather. After a while I withdrew myself. She started to do the selection herself and felt happy about her choice.

Learning to identify with the self is the single most important learning from the Dagis. At that age when a kid starts to develop personality, the Swedish Day Care system offers numerous opportunities for children to grow on all fronts. These learnings stay with the kid long after the Dagis journey has ended.